…..I’m 37 yrs old…and have been through a journey of being a little cute chubby girl to today… a women…a mother of an eleven year old son….!
Lots has happened….so many memories flash by, …and I keep asking myself…Am I proud to what I’v turned out to be? …Would my teachers approve of me today? Would my peers like me more today? Would my parents trust me more today?… And most importantly…Am I happy?
Its a question I ask myself, as I sip my green tea….. and hold a bowl in my hand,to water the plants in my balcony. I guess the answer is…. “I don’t know!”
One hears of marriages breaking so often these days…. Is it really that easy to just leave everything and walk out? At this point, I got up, walked up to my entrance door, opened it….
I took a step out… Aligned the door mat to the square tile on the floor and took my step back in and shut the door. I then, stared into the tiny circular mirror on the door as if right through its minute hole it would turn into a time- machine and take me to see my future… Future of myself, my life, my relationships..!
I took a sigh and turned back to my already warm cup of green tea and took a sip!
For those of you who aren’t familiar, Bridget Jones Baby is a sequel to the Hollywood film- Bridget Jones Diary. In this movie, the lead character gets intimate with two men within the span of a week’s time- one is a total stranger and the other is her ex-lover. All hell breaks loose, when she realizes that ‘She is Pregnant’ but isn’t sure of who is the father of the child! It’s an interesting plot for a movie but scary at the same time, if thought for a lady , in the real life!
But wait….. aren’t Movies made on the prevailing occurrences of our society? In the West , maybe such a situation might have higher chances to happen compared to the society where I have grown -up- in and belong to…. a little conservative community, I would say! It’s scary for me to think that a lady would have to face her parents and friends with such a news…. all on her own take care of herself and her job, go for medical checkups, doctor’s visits,prenatal exercises, baby shopping, and more… I mean, being pregnant is supposedly a Good News…. but this way? a little scarily hilarious, on second thoughts.
These days, its common to hear of women having trouble getting pregnant and doing all sorts of things and going all the way… to get a baby in their life….And, here is a movie which shows how easily one could get pregnant but unfortunately, not know the giver of the unborn child. Well, that makes me realize that relationship issues and challenges differs from location to location… what could be acceptable at one place , could be a complete taboo on the other end of the globe!
Children without wedlock are still a NO-NO in the East zone of our planet… yet alone single moms! Divorced ones are still getting acceptable.
So, I understand that in some part of this world, a lady happen to be a part of such a circumstance in reality and thus, this movie idea came into existence….after all, movies do display Us and our lives…. and this one particularly, displays a situation which is weird, un-thought- of, hilarious and at the same time, fun to watch romantic- comedy ( only as a movie, if I may add)! So, do watch, if given a chance and enjoy!
Days of marriage….some are like sugar coated and some…well..as bitter as raw coffee, that’s how sufferings of life are…so when these different and varied situations occur every single day of one’s life..its a challenge… A challenge one HAS to accept!
These challenges throw us the option to either immediately give our reaction…nice and strong! Or, stay silent at that moment, think, ponder over and then respond to it wisely! But no one can guarantee what and how we’ll actually express ourselves in any given situation… I mean, you might be in a real good mood and a big issue could be just given -off as if nothing has happened. Other times, when you might have had a rough day, then a jokingly said word could be also taken as ‘insulting’ and a big issue could be created! So, yes.. first of all, our moods play a big role to initiate such situations! Then, later comes the responses to them all… in a sweet way or in the form of ugly argumentative exchanges….!
We all know that we should be only responding, we all also only want a harmonious relationship with our partners and we all also strive to stay away from unpleasantness in ones relationships……………………….But, sometimes, situations play with us…and we fail to keep up the good work! So, sometimes we respond and sometimes, we give out the reactions…!
That’s how we deal with this so called life…..married life! which is filled with days of love and days of tears! and in between these responses and reactions, years pass by… our life goes on…..our relationships grow on…!
No doubt about that! especially the ones involved with the institution of marriage…involving numerous Relationships!
As a young person deeply, madly and mind you…passionately in LOVE…I was blinded to see what my parents were trying to show me…..some hard truths and practicalities of future life!…things that could occur if I chose, what I chose. And I Chose… adamantly…
But today after fifteen years of married life, I think of it as a less thought-of decision! Wish I had thought more wisely… the way I see girls of today’s age do so…. so practical in their approach towards life, career, marriage, commitments and settling down…!They are so focused and yet free!
Marriage is what it is….. I thought it was all about roses, movies, cozy nights, ice creams, outings, traveling the world, diamonds, beaches and champagne! LOL!
…I chuckle as I write this….Marriage turned out to be…. household work, cooking, cleaning, hardships, sacrifices, lessons, relationships, learning, dealings, tears, fights, unpleasantness! well…. there were good times too… but this was 80% of it!
And then finally came the only and best part ….. the smile to my face….the apple of my eye… my son was born! I’m still married as I have him… I’m staying married as I got him through my marriage…. and I’ll stay married…. to give my son a happy notion of being married!!
Well, the answer is Yes and No….
Yes….. because as any other person who matures, becomes wiser, looks better… I have done so too… so I guess I’m happy as what I’m kind of butterflying into… but No also….., because I wish I would have made lesser mistakes, listened more to my parents every time they stopped me or warned me to do something…I guess we never understand our parents that time at all..till someone has rightfully said…Become a parent yourself , then you’ll understand! hmmm…. ok! that’s come out to be true! Point taken…I agree!!
…I just wish… I had listened to my parents when I was making the most important decision of my life….! But its our individual journey …our decisions, our lessons to be learnt…and being a parent- one just has no control over what your child might go through…good and bad both!
My parents couldn’t help it…. nor will I be able to…as a parent ! Yeah…relationships are complicated!
It’s funny though…that on days when something good happens to you .. you recall the good parts of your married life and when unpleasant situations occur…. Then, past years seem like a bunch of nightmare memories! Relationships and memories go hand in hand…
The relations which mean the most to you tend to be filled with happy memories… The not so nicer relations or rather the ones which are only to give you Lessons – of – Life…. Seem to remind you of pain, discomfort and tears! I feel it’s better to just let go of the latter ones.. though it’s extremely difficult to erase them. As a human being, it’s nice to be nice, think nice, feel nice, but it’s easier said than done! Circumstances control us, we act accordingly and hence, create memories…. Today’s present… tomorrow’s past!
As I start my journey of being a blogger… I was sure that I could write….I was surely capable of penning down my thoughts but about what….was the question! Ok… so it’s not going to be so easy, I realized..
….I gave a thought for few days as to what exactly I would be writing about? and then it occurred…that nothing better than my own life..my journey from being a girl to a mommy…. With all the ongoing lessons of life…!
So, here I am….One more added to the pool of enumerable bloggers floating around in the world of words, thoughts, emotions and Life!
I am in between a point where I’v just quit my full time, well-paid job to be at home for my son…. and yet realizing that Vitamin M at the end of every month is so importantly required! I have been unemployed for the last five months…and yes….just realised that I have been curbing myself to buy that cute dress at H & M or a new lipstick shade or buy a new pair of earrings….
well…. I miss my regular hair-spa and face cleanup and pedicure sessions at the beauty salon…. missing pampering myself!
Let’s see what the next few months will be getting up for me…right, left and center! as of now…just a good homemaker and mommy who can cook!